Sweet Catastrophe

wow so a lot to talk about but it’s probably gonna be brief for now ’cause there’s a payperpost i really wanna talk about and after all that i’m gonna get a shower and head over to ryan’s =)

so monday was my appointment with the specialist. it was actually a really short appointment that amused me because he comes in and he’s talking to me and putting all this emphasis on making sure i know he doesn’t think i have cancer (but for the record he is concerned because how the ultrasound looks and how the cyst actually feels don’t quite match up) and then he just casually throws out surgery at the end of the conversation like it’s nothing. let me clarify that it was just funny to me because i already knew it wasn’t cancer, we covered that last week at the ultrasound, what i was worried about was having my first surgery, which is exactly what he wants. so on december 13th i’ll have my first surgery. i’ll be outpatient so it’s not really a huge deal, but i’m a little scared nonetheless. i mean i’m only as scared as anyone is going into thier first time being put under and cut on. i’m also concerned about the recovery because i know i always do more than i should when i’m unwell and….well it’s just unpleasant to think of the discomfort and inconvenience of having stitches in my boob. bleh

enough of that, on to the fun stuff! it’s official! i’m moving in with ryan and jonathan in december! i let brittany know and let her mom know as well and i set my terms on how far i’ll be paying from this point and what i’d be paying for “repairs” and so far i’ve gotten no negative feedback on that, so as long as everything goes right, by mid-january, for rent and bills altogether i’ll be paying less than i’m currently paying for just rent so basically i’ll be saving about $100 a month, give or take.

i’ve been concerned because we all know i have a ton of stuff. i mean, i just do. currently ryan is in the smaller room and jonathan has the master bedroom. well, i looked around the other day and cleared most of my concerns on stuff and was really only still worried about the room but i talked to ryan and he’s already got that all figured out so yay! we’re also considering asking jonathan if he’d be willing to go ahead and switch rooms since he was originally gonna be in the smaller room anyway and he’ll be leaving early next summer so it wouldn’t be a huge deal for him to go ahead and pack up some of his stuff. if he’s reluctant i think we’re gonna offer to maybe drop one of his bills like the cable or something like that and ryan and i will just split that one. if we could get into the master that’d be great ’cause we could go ahead and get a queen-sized bed and everything will fit in there perfectly with room to spare! if not, we can easily make-do until jonathan moves out.

another thing is that we also discussed whether or not we wanted to have someone else take jonathan’s place when he moves out to continue splitting everything 3 ways. we pretty much decided that it wasn’t neccessary, but that if someone came along that we both felt good about living with, and someone responsible that it’d be cool to do that. now after all this was discussed we also discussed moving elsewhere when the lease is up to get a cheaper place. now, it’s only $525 a month as is and it’s a townhouse, not a tiny appartment so if we found a place cheaper, it’d probably be smaller, not nearly as nice and i doubt it’d be within walking distance to the school so we’d have to go back to buying parking passes as well. plus i’d have to turn around and move again like 7 months after moving. not really ideal. but last night, a mutual friend who’s living next door approached ryan about maybe being our 3rd roommate when jonathan moves out! he’s a great guy, not messy, pays crap on time (Y) he’s a bit moody, but i have a class with him right now in addition to seeing him at parties and when i’m with ryan and i’ve only really seen either really happy josh, or depressed josh. so as long as there’s not a lot of angry josh, i have no problem with that. i mean, i’ve lived with females for the last 2+ years. i’m pretty sure i know how to handle moods that’s not really a concern for me. so now i’m just really hoping it works out that way and josh takes jonathan’s place so that’ll crunch ryan’s worries about getting a cheaper place and i won’t have to worry about moving again. (have i ever mentioned how much i ABHOR moving? cause i seriously do.)

umm…heh…so much for brief, my bad.

i actually woke up on time this morning to go to bio, but our temporary roommate clare’s little sister and her friend were in town for a concert they all drove to this weekend. anyway, clare’s car broke down on the way home so they had to wait till this morning to leave again and clare had to go with them to pick up her mom’s car so she’d have something to drive. so of course i wake up and 3 girls are already fighting over the bathroom so i went back to sleep =) i’m so glad i did too ’cause i completely forgot our bio teacher had jury duty today so we didn’t even have class. i still got up to the school pretty early so i could get in some last minute studying for my french exam. i think i did as well as i did on my last one (84) or better, and i’m okay with that grade. i hate her exams though. we did an oral section where she asks us questions and we respond. she calls us up individually so she was speaking really quietly and so was i so of course i screwed up on one question because i couldn’t hear her and i thought she asked IF i had a garage but she asked WHAT was in my garage. oops. and because i was talking quietly she didn’t hear a lot of my enunciation so i know i lost points on that. otherwise no real worries. any other missed points should only be on misspellings and incorrect accents.

i have to stop by my bio lab long enough to take a quiz on the basic parts of the heart and then off to my dr’s appointment. i’ll have to make up my lab on wednesday with brittany and her professor is an ass. oh well!

jesus h. i have “The Cold,” as eric so correctly dubbed it. it started sometime in the night and i woke up thursday morning and i just knew. here we go. all day long i was ready to lie down and die. but i still went to work. the best part was knowing i was nowhere near the worst of it. knowing that friday or saturday would be WAY worse. that’s why i went to work thursday. i knew i’d likely have to call-in on saturday. i swear those people are gonna think i’m full of shit and fire me. i honestly don’t think i care. i can’t help that my immune system never fully recovered after i had mono. and that’s all i can really figure ’cause for about a year and a half, i was never truly sick, and i never picked up everyone else’s ailments so easily. i’ll tell you after tomorrow night whether robitussin tablets or nyquil gelcaps are the way to go for your nighttime cold. if the nyquil knocks me out like it usually does, that’ll win. the robotussin definitely brought on improvement, but it didn’t stop the incessant runny nose that woke me around every 20 minutes.

oh and i’m really pissed at kleenex. i remember when the kleenex with lotion–HAD LOTION. i remember your nose felt all lotion-y after using them but at least it didn’t hurt. the last two boxes i’ve bought of kleenex with lotion have shown no sign of lotion. none. someone get me some damn puffs!

i had the ultrasound today and found out it’s a cyst. now i just have to wait until next monday to find out what the doctor is gonna want to do about it. for now i’m expecting to maybe be put on certain vitamins or diet changes, maybe a change in my b.c. or take me off it (let’s hope not)

ryan’s sick. he’s got some sort of crazy cold. he was up half the night coughing, sneezing and violently blowing his nose. i just really hope i don’t get it too. speaking of, i should really go take some vitamins!

my feet are in the most excruciating pain they’ve ever been in. like…they’re numb with pain. i don’t know what it was about today’s 10-7, i mean it’s not like i’ve never done a 9 hour shift on a concrete floor a million times before, but they just couldn’t take it today. and i’m probably the only 20 year old out there wearing high top converse with dr. scholls in them but that still did no good.

i realized last week that when i thought i rolled my ankle, i actually overextended it, which is why it still hasn’t healed. and of course i stepped on it funny today so i spent my final 2 1/2 hours at work grimacing.

as far as the whole lump thing goes, i’ve calmed down a lot, though i’m fairly certain that’s really just because i haven’t had any time to really think about it. my thoughts have pretty much settled on the idea that it’s a cyst and the dr will most likely try simpler things first like certain vitamins, b.c. changes, etc and then go from there. so i’m gonna try not to worry about possible cyst extraction or surgery until he says something.

of course as i’m typing this i’m thinking about it, and thus bringing my concern back. the lump is something that’s been there for a little while, only it’s bigger than it was. the one that sent my mom to surgery was a dime size when they found it and a quarter size four days later when she had her surgery. ugh…okay i’m just gonna go to bed now. i have to work 8-5 tomorrow and i really don’t know if my feet will stand it. i should probably wrap my ankle or something…

so. i went to the gyno this morning and she found a lump. now, the okay ones are moveable and usually painful to the touch. cancerous ones are the opposite. mine moves, but it doesn’t hurt any. she said she wasn’t too worried, but she’s sending me to a specialist anyway. i have an ultrasound next tuesday and then the following monday is when i’ll actually meet with a dr. and hopefully find something out.

so i call my mom because she said i’d want to have my mom with me because even if everything is okay i’ll be so freaked that i won’t remember anything the dr tells me. i found out from her that fibrocystic breast disease runs in our family, and in our family, it’s never been resolved with anything less than surgery.

breast cancer is also present on her side. not widely, but it’s there.

so my appointment ran long because of all this so i was late for work and i’ve been there all day so i’ve really just now had the chance to let it sink in and i’m pretty much terrified. i’ll be honest, i’m not really expecting breast cancer. but then a part of me knows i really can’t rule that out because anything major i’ve ever had hasn’t really followed the ‘normal’ symptoms. really, i’m just terrified of finding out i’ll have to have surgery. i mean my god, i just had my first i.v. i really wasn’t looking to immediately follow-up with my first major surgery.

i’m ready. i’m so ready. december can’t get here fast enough. i mean really.

things are gonna be a little inconvenient for a while, but it’ll totally be worth it. i can handle it. no problem.

the atlanta trip went well =) ryan’s surgery went fine and he hasn’t been too grumpy or anything. not too much pain either so that’s good.

got my ipod back today. last time they replaced the processor, this time the harddrive. of course it’s still screwed up, itunes says it’s corrupted and i need to restore it, so i did that and it still says the same thing. i’m just a teeny bit pissed.

i have to be at the lady dr. tomorrow at 10:30 and work by 12. not too sure how that’s gonna work out. =S

so tomorrow i’m finally taking my english midterm….which i happen to be majorly stressing over. i mean, it was one of the midterms i was most concerned about to begin with and now i’ve had to put it off till now and the material just isn’t fresh anymore.

i’ve got to find some time to make it to the bookstore to return a shirt before it’s too late.

then finish packing.

work almost immediately after classes.

drive to atlanta after work!

i’m really excited and really anxious at the same time. for one i absolutely love trips to atlanta with ryan. it’s basically me and him the whole time we’re there and it’s just nice. it’s always like a mini vacation. then again, this particular trip i’ll be meeting a few people who are really important to ryan, and of course i’m concerned about his oral surgery. i just hope he’s not overly grumpy after the surgery and i know there’s a good chance for that since he won’t be able to smoke.

i should really go study some.

for some reason i really want like a cartoonish (almost anime-like) drawing of me and ryan. anyone feeling bored and artistic? lol

i suddenly have a terrible cough. i hate the sickliness of this time of year but god it feels great outside.

i don’t really feel like posting anymore now so i think i’ll just go to bed.