Archive for the ‘Sharing’ Category

It was herpes. *chuckle*

I have to share the best story with you guys. Okay, actually I don’t know if it will be as hilarious to you, but just imagine hearing this story about your own mother–

After my mom and stepdad had been dating for a while, Roger started getting sick. He was first diagnosed with shingles, and then later Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He’s in remission now, but anyway– moving on.

So Mom goes with him to his doctor’s appointment and he gets diagnosed with shingles and he’s still lying there on the little table while the doctor is using a tape recorder to document the appointment so he can add everything to Roger’s file later. So the doctor is calling out things and says something about ‘herpes zoster’ and Momma said Roger sat straight up and yelled, “I’ve got what?!”

In that moment, Roger had forgotten everything he ever knew about different forms of herpes, like the fact that herpes simplex virus 1 is just a cold sore, and there were other similar forms. He thought my mom had given him something!!!!

Momma said that even after she and the doctor stopped and explained to him that herpes zoster was shingles, he still didn’t look convinced for quite a while!

My brain didn’t know whether to hide away at that story or send me falling off the couch laughing.

Thanks, Mom.

I just got this in an email and thought a lot of you would enjoy it as well.

I  Owe My Mother

**************************************
1.  My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3.  My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because,  I  said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8.  My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11.  My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“Your room looks like a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE..
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”

20.  My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my  ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

And my favorite:

25  My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Men Are Just Happier People

Not that I agree with them all, but still funny!

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another service station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Had to share…

Laughed, and then splattered my screen with water laughing some more. He’s a smart one!

Flight of the Conchords

This is by no means new at all, but my god it just cracks me up SO much. I had to make sure no one I know is missing out….I can’t believe they can even perform this so well live…

USPS 24-hour kiosk

Finding myself telling so many people about this, I’m realizing that it just isn’t common knowledge that tons of United States Postal Service locations offer a 24-hour kiosk!

Since I don’t know how setup varies by location, I’ll just tell you about ours.

Right next to the mailboxes is a little computer station. It’s a touch screen setup and you get, from what I’ve looked through, all the same options you get when you speak with a teller. There’s even a place next to the computer that weighs your package for you to determine postage.

For me, I generally stop by to mail letters at night. In the digital age, I don’t mail things off very often, so it’s just not cost effective for me to buy stamps since the price is always changing.

There’s a minimum of $1, so the computer will prompt you and ask if you’d like to purchase 3 stamps, or go back and choose different options. When it’s all said and done, you swipe your debit/credit card and your stamps, or postage for a package pops out!

It’s a very easy process with clear, simple, yes or no questions. Due to popular demand, ours in town has even been fitted with headphones for the older group around town who have trouble reading the screens, sort of like a reverse closed captioning thing.

I was a bit intimidated at first, worried that I might choose incorrectly and end up with an $8 stamp for a 13 ounce envelope, but once I stepped up to the computer I saw that it was fairly close to idiot-proof. Since then I haven’t stood in a Post Office line. I just stop by after hours when it’s eerily quiet and get in and out!

You can check for a 24-hour kiosk near you by clicking here and choosing Automated Postal Centers from the first drop-down menu. I’m sure once you’ve given it a shot, you won’t stand in anymore teller lines either!

What love means to 4-8 year olds

These are just really cute. Excuse the formatting, I pasted from an email and just did minimal cleanup.

What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . .

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
Year-olds, ‘What does love mean?’

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

See what you think:

When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over
And paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it
For her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.
That’s love.

Rebecca – age 8

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’

Billy – age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’

Karl – age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
Without making them give you any of theirs.’

Chrissy – age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’

Terri – age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’

Danny – age 7

‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’

Emily – age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’

Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you Hate.’

Nikka – age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’

Noelle – age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’

Tommy – age 6

‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’

Cindy – age 8

‘My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’

Clare – age 6

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’

Elaine-age 5

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’

Chris – age 7

‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’

Mary Ann – age 4

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’

Lauren – age 4

‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image)

Karen – age 7

‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.’

Mark – age 6

‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’

Jessica – age 8

And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a
Contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly
Gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard,
Climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’

Dancing Dog

I’m going through all my drafts right now and clearing out the ones I know I won’t be using. I found one I should’ve posted weeks ago–you guys are gonna love this–

And while we’re at it, earlier this week we found a dancing seal!

Almost too much awesome for one post =)

The Ultimate Steal

Have you upgraded to Office 2007 yet? No? Why not? Oh yeah, Office is ridiculously expensive.

I found a little deal a while back that I keep forgetting to share though. The Ultimate Steal is a deal from Microsoft. Current U.S. students can buy Microsoft Office Ultimate 2007 for only $59.95.

The only requirements are a valid U.S. email address ending in .edu and that you be actively enrolled in at least 0.5 course load. (Their words, I’m guessing you have to be enrolled for at least half-time status.)

You purchase your license and download. A backup disc is also available for a fee, and if you ever need to re-download the software, or you have problems with your original download, they offer a variety of ways to grab it again.

The deal is valid from September 2007- April 30, 2008.

I’m signed up for a Microsoft survey program that runs in the background on my computer–after 3 months I’m supposed to be eligible for a free Microsoft product of my choosing, but I think if I wait for that, I’ll be cutting it close to the deadline for this deal, so currently, the plan is to use some of my small bit of excess financial aid this semester to get it. I really need it to be able to do all my ACED assignments at home, anyway and classes end in April.

So check it out guys! Seriously, it’s like a 90% off discount…just on the Office website, it’s $679.95 to buy new and $539.99 to upgrade… so yeah, you’re saving a little bit of money…it’s honestly one of the best deals I’ve ever found.

Straight No Chaser – 12 Days

I actually clapped for these guys sitting here at home in my seat. This is great!

“The original members of Straight No Chaser perform their comedic version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” at the Musical Arts Center, Bloomington, Indiana. December 7th, 1998.”

Link for my LJ pals.

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