Sweet Catastrophe

So my dad bought a motorcycle. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me; he got a great deal on it, but the timing was just really bad. This year I let my dad claim me on his taxes. It felt like the right thing to do, but things are coming into perspective for me right now and I’m realizing a lot of the monetary things I try to give my dad credit for just aren’t deserved. For instance, my car–the undeserved back child support he sued my mother for is what’s paying off my car. And here, he thought he’d be getting $900 with his stimulus check, but me being over 18 knocks out the $300 he’d have gotten for me, but claiming me knocks me out of the running for my own $600. But since he paid my taxes, I had settled for only taking $450—that would’ve been half of the $900 we thought he was getting. Now I’m only taking $300. Why? He claimed me, got a nice tax break for my tuition, still got a stimulus check and where does that leave me? I get half the check I would’ve gotten, and I have to take out a loan to pay for school–if he hadn’t claimed me, I’d be getting enough from the Pell Grant to cover it all. So he paid my taxes? So what….If someone wasn’t claiming me, they’d have been low enough for me to pay myself with just a minor inconvenience for two weeks. I’d have gotten a $600 check that would’ve covered everything I need to get my tooth fixed, plus some leftover to go towards glasses. Instead, I’ll have $300 which won’t be enough to cover the whole dental procedure. Meanwhile, I have to WAIT to even get that $300 because he spent it. What right does he have even looking at used Harleys with my money? He makes me feel guilty for even taking $300 but last I checked, life hasn’t been very easy for me either when it comes to money and I’ve made a lot less idiotic purchases than he has…I don’t know how many random things he’s bought with the intention of fixing and selling, only to be stuck with them.

I just feel like I try too hard to overlook how materialistic my father can be. I want us to have a good relationship, but it can’t be based on pretending.