I’m sort of starting to see this year as a transition. Nothing’s really changing so much as I feel like I’m preparing for changes. I feel like I’m reaching some solid personal growth, but it’s not totally embedded yet.
For instance, I’m giving myself till the anniversary of our split to be bothered by anything related to Ryan anymore. I mean, we were integrated and I’m a nostalgic sap, so a year worth of ‘firsts’ without him has been…I dunno, I guess I wouldn’t say hard but I’ve definitely been aware of all these moments. But beyond a year? Well then I’m just dwelling for no reason. That time in my life is over. It had a hand in shaping me, but it won’t continue affecting my day-to-day.
So we’ll just wait and see whether I can actually follow through with that.
I have a goal to be more honest with a few people about my view of our personal relationship. There’s no ETA on that though. That’s just a big one and it’s a big enough step to acknowledge the need, so I’m giving myself time on this one.
And the big struggle has been the who am i/what do i want, million dollar question– so I’ve been keeping a list of Facts about myself. Things that are truly in my essence & not just situational.
I’m still fighting to get some sort of routine exercising going…but my sporadic bursts of exercise are becoming more regular, so I’m calling that minor progress. lol
Eh, one step at a time. I’m not together, but I’m getting there.